please god, don't get mad that I don't believe in you I had a revelation the other day. I was talking to a friend of mine and for some reason we were talking about God. "You Jews and your vengeful God," said I, "If you would just give up and start believing in Jesus Christ, then you would know that once God got his rocks off and had a son, he was in a much better mood." It was then that I realized that I HAVE to write a story about Jesus' life. You know, from the atheist's point of view. (On a side note: I do find myself feverishly praying lately for God to cure my hemorrhoids. If he existed, he would say "Oh sure, you only call me when you WANT something," and he would smite me with ever more painful rectal problems). So I ordered books on the culture and politics of ancient Israel and have been studying them (can't they make this stuff more interesting?) and I've ordered a gargantuan bible- English supposedly translated directly from the Hebrew. And it had better be pretty authentic, and contain all 66 or whatever books of the bible, for the $44 I paid. It will be the best story about Jesus EVER. A real page turner. I expect to complete it sometime after I turn 70. Anyways... I took Juniper to the doctor yesterday. She is nice and chubby and beautiful, as always. The doctor says she suspects she might have a lazy eye and we might have to make her into Pirate Baby pretty soon. So now this is a speech impediment AND a lazy eye that my child will supposedly have. Her social standing in school will still be higher than mine was, though. She is so freakin' beautiful that no one will care. I let them give her two shots, for meningitis and pertussis, and she screamed so much- I was crying, my poor, poor baby. Why do we have to torture our children so? |