icky emotional mealtime So this interview thingie for the Epregnancy magazine article has definitely stirred up the depths of my stagnant emotional stew. First of all, thinking about having that abortion after I know what it is like to have a child is horrible. At that time, I didn't think of it as a child, I just thought of it as a pregnancy. However, I am totally pro-choice. I am even for late-term abortion, not elective just-for-fun late-term abortion, but the theraputic kind. If it hadn't been legal at the time I lost my poor creature, I would have had to carry her until she died, knowing she was going to die, and, if she had lived much longer, I would have had to go through a horrible labor for a stillbirth. And she would have had to suffer until she died. And I might have ended up with these hemorrhoids, without the joy of a wonderful baby to distract me from the pain. But that doesn't change the fact that I really feel like crap about ending that little zygote's potential life. And I have also been agonizing over my whole "relationship" with that asshole. I mean, was what he did to me really rape? It was against my will, it was always against my will, but after a while he had me brainwashed enough to just give in. But why did I give in? After 12 years, I luckilly find it difficult to recreate the emotional state I was in during that time. By calling it rape, am I doing a disservice to all those women, like my mother, who were attacked by strange men with weapons and forced to have sex, perhaps risking their lives, risking disease? |