old man, take a look at my life, I'm a lot like you Today is my birthday. I'm 27. Enough said. I received in the mail today a hard rubber Rhode Island Red hen figurine. It is from my ex-boss and current friend Ted; I only know this because of the return address, as it arrived without card, note or other explanation. Is it a birthday present? I don't know. I don't make a big deal about my birthday, so I wouldn't imagine he would have remembered. The chicken is, according to her tag, a German chicken, but she was made in China. Now she lives here, in the U.S., and she is looking at me sternly from my desk as I type. What caused her many changes of patriae? Was she disillusioned with what communism has become? Did she then become tired of saurkraut, or did she not agree with the ascendence of the E.U.? She isn't telling. I went yesterday to my grandmother's house, because my dad, uncle, and aunt were there and they wanted to see the baby. They did buy me an ice cream cake, and my stupid aunt gave some to the baby whilst my back was turned. And they sang happy birthday, which I bore with good humor. Then, my grandma made me watch some of the old home videos that she had found, namely one that I made when I was 11 years old- I made up my own soap opera called "Another Universe" where I played all the parts and did the commercials, etc. Yeah. You're telling me. It's a good thing I'll never run for office, because this was primo blackmail material. I was really glad, though, that my grandma hadn't found something else in her perusal of old home videos: the tape of me and my ex doing the do. I was really sweating it when I heard she was going through the old tapes. I sure hope my ex took that and lost it somewhere. The thought of my 85-year-old grandma popping that tape into the VCR, then saying "Oh, what's this?", and then finally figuring it out, fumbling with the "Stop" button, her thin lips trembling- it's a little hard for me to think about. |