THC yeah you know me Okay, so if you ever think about arbitrarily dividing humanity into two narrowly defined categories, consider naming the categories thusly: People who can pass a drug test the hard way; and People who can pass a drug test the easy way. The hard way being not doing drugs, the easy way being cheating. Hubby has interviewed for two jobs since we got here, and he has been hired for two of them. The first place that hired him was Safeway, which requires its employees to live by a strictly regimented set of Safeway Standards that involve not doing intoxicating substances that can be detected by a drug test, not even on your own time. Except for alcohol, the intoxicant that causes more death, injury, and family discord than any other drug. As far as I know, you could show up for a job-related drug test piss drunk and no one would care. So hubby shows up to the drug test all prepped and ready, having studied hard all morning (i.e., he shaved his upper thigh and duct taped a bottle of my pee to himself (I being one of those persons who could pass a drug test the hard way, most of the time), with a thermometer inside to check temperature and one of those camping hand warmers wrapped around it to conserve heat). So anyway, he shows up and, instead of the tried-and-true urinalysis, they tell him to swab out the inside of his mouth with a Q-tip thingie to do a saliva sample. WHAT KIND OF BIG-BROTHER, 1984 DNA-SAMPLING BULLSHIT IS THIS ANYWAY????? At least give us a chance to cheat fair and square, don't pop this newfangled testing method bullshit on us. Come on, people, you have to figure that anyone smart enough to cheat sucessfully on their drug test would make an A-1 employee (able to think creatively and solve problems). So, the lady said that the results would be back in a few hours, and my husband shuffled out with his tail between his legs. Safeway never called back, so Hubby ended up getting a job at The Country Bucket Buffet which was so greasy and humiliating, as you could imagine, that he quit after three days. And then, like a week after the fact, Safeway calls back and says they still haven't gotten his drug test results back yet. It all feels sort of surreal and Twilight-Zonish to me. Is the universe toying with our employment-related emotions? Or are the lab techs just trying to scrape the thick globs of THC out of Hubby's sample for their own smoking pleasure? The world may never know. |