bouncing banker bootie bash
8:13 a.m. on 2004-11-16
Okay, so I went to deposit a check in my savings account yesterday. This normally wouldn't be a big whoop, except that the check was for $109,500.00 . Anyway, it was a cashier's check, so I figured that, despite the relative numerousness of the numbers in the above quantity (what?), the transaction should go smoothly. WRONG! Even though it was a cashier's check, and I was only attempting to deposit it, without any withdrawal, they wanted two forms of identification. And then they wrote down my driver's license number on the check (ummmm...people? This is my account. Look on the computer. You know where I live. And besides? If anyone else ever tries to deposit hundreds of thousands of dollars in my account, you have my permission to accept the deposit NO QUESTIONS ASKED). Then the girl said "This deposit won't be available for immediate withdrawal," which is the banker's mantra. It allows the bank to use money for a while without having to worry about the rightful owner wanting it back. "That's okay," I quipped. "I don't think I could spend that all in a day, anyway," trying to give the impression that I was just transferring spending money for the weekend or something. But it is hard to give that impression when you are wearing a hoodie that you bought from Engrish.com and your 10-month-old is pulling your ponytail into an odd angle. "Actually, it is for our house," I said. "Well, it is going to be about a week and a half," the lady said. What? So now the bank is playing keep-away with my money. It is not like this was personal check written in red crayon with extra zeros added to the amount in green crayon. It was a cashier's check. Which is kinda like having cash except it has your name on it, and you don't have to carry it around in a briefcase. Which would be cool, by the way, but I don't really want to look like a renegade coke mule at this point in my life. This wouldn't be a problem, except we were supposed to close on the house on the day after tomorrow. But the fuckwad seller doesn't have his work done yet anyway, the work which should have taken about a day and a half to complete. So, waddaya gonna do, champ?
<< || >>
|