genius genitals Well, the fambly and I went on a small road trip. We drove aimlessly around the mountains and desert while listening to good, angsty rock 'n roll music and pretending we were on an adventure of great emotional import. We stayed in hotels so as not to spend the night in a tent worrying about the baby getting frostbite. One of the hotels had a 24-hour pool and hot tub, which I made use of. I cringe now to think of the soupy nastyness that lurked in these lukewarm puddles, the birthplaces of primordial beings. Because, for the first time in my life, I got a yeast infection. Really, I had no idea how nasty that is. When I was pregnant they told me my yeast levels were high, but I had no symptoms and it just went away. This, however, was a true vaginal event with no comparison and begged for treatment. I tried plain yogurt for a day, but that just added to the general nastiness. So I went to the store, greatly humbled, to buy a box labelled "Vaginal Antifungal Cream". This name evokes vivid imagery, of labias draped in musky lichen, the caps of tiny mushrooms popping up in the tiny folds of the clitoris. Can't they think of a better name for this cream? Or for the ailment itself? The same organism, basically, when it inhabits the foot, is called "athlete's foot". This makes it sound acceptable, noble almost, to have mould growing around your toes, like it only occurred because you've been training so hard to win the Superbowl or something, although you definitely don't have to be an athlete to get althlete's foot. Any pasty, fat, lazy motherfucker can get it. So why can't a yeast infection have a better name, something that inferrs a lively and enviable lifestyle? Why not artist's vagina? Or astronaut pussy? I'll bet that astronaut outfit would be a perfect breeding ground for vaginal fungus. I finally got my poor baby some shots, and she has been suffering horribly ever since. Now, ten days later, she has a reaction to the MMR vaccine, so she has itchy bumps all over her delicate baby parts. And we're hopping in the car to see my grandma, a 3 hour drive, because she is getting a bone marrow biopsy. I sure hope she's okay. My grandma, I mean. I'm pretty sure Juni is okay. |