short-changed Still pregnant! How rude of me to stay pregnant so long. My family is pissed off. My fucking due date isn't even for a week. One week as of today. Actually, my family isn't really pissed off, they just wish I would get it over with or something. Maybe I'll eat so much ham on Christmas that baby will jump ship. Or maybe I'll sing Richard Marx songs really loudly until she surrenders and comes out. Isn't that the same tactic they are using to extract information from Saddam? Changing the subject slightly, is there anything more aggrivating than assembling merchandise? I was trying to install the GODDAMN carseat yesterday. The fuckers neglected to include the seatbelt locking clip like they PROMISED they would in their little booklet. I don't know if that little clip would help anyway, because that seat sways and rocks like a flight simulator when Bill careens around corners. Our little monkey would get the full roller-coaster experience. I will have to do something about it, maybe nail the damn thing to the seat. One thing they should not make pregnant women do is assemble merchandise, especially the stupid, plastic baby merchandise that they sell with such frantic glee. I won't even get into the scene that ensued during the assembly of the bassinet my parents-in-law gave us. Another thing- Johnson & Johnson, those sweet little devils, are now running advertisements on television for having babies. These cute little soft-focus scenes of familial bliss, and the caption "A baby changes everything". Are we to assume that, before the baby came along in the featured simulated advertisement family, the father was drunkenly throwing plates at the mother and yelling about how she is a lazy whore, then the baby came along and *POOF!* changed everything into the smoochie little pastel scene that the cameras recorded? They should show a scene I remember, wherein my cousin was throwing peas at my aunt during a camping trip yelling "You're fat, mommy. I hate you," and my aunt was in tears complaining that she just wanted a nap. A baby changes everything, except its own diaper. I guess I'm missing the point here, though. The point is, have more babies so that you need to buy more Johnson & Johnson products. |